They Survived It All (cont.)

They moved into the new house in August, two weeks before school opened. The two youngest were placed in an autism class out of district without an IEP. The older two went on their way, doing the best they could. The oldest did some research, announced he had dyslexia, and wanted some help from the school. He started to serve as his own advocate. His sister continued to have reading problems, too, so they tried to help each other with homework. Meantime, the parents went to IEP meeting after IEP meeting during the first months of that first school year in the new community. The child study team quickly learned how to push the mother’s buttons, so that she would cry or become infuriated with them and leave the meeting without any completion of the IEP. Meanwhile, her two sons remained in the wrong school. She asked me to come and help. I gave her only one requirement. She had to acknowledge that she had a psychiatric illness and get treatment. She did.

It turned out that the younger of the two autistic kids was extremely bright, musical, and with overwhelming sensory needs. His older brother was extremely social, sweet, and retarded. At an IEP meeting we asked that the youngest be returned to his public school, which was within walking distance from his house. The school refused to develop an IEP that met his needs. That led to a disagreement about bringing him back to his local school and a hearing was requested.

That hearing was a watershed for the couple. They watched and listened to the testimony of the child study team as to how they manipulated the meetings and the Notices for the meetings in order to upset the mother. After several days of testimony, the case manager for the boys was caught committing perjury. She was sequestered during the testimony of a key witness. When she subsequently testified, she lied about her involvement with that witness. Before the end of the day, the school attorney asked to settle the case and agreed to bring the boy back to the district. She admitted that her client did not know how to write an individualized program and asked me to develop the individualized goals and objectives for presentation to the building team. Everything the mother believed was confirmed. But she remained fearful that the Team would retaliate against her. It turned out that she was right.

Once the child returned to the school district, the parents began efforts to help their oldest son get services for his dyslexia, which was by now confirmed by neuropsychological testing. Still angry from what transpired at the prior hearing, the mother was upset when the case manager, who had lied on the witness stand, attended the meeting for the oldest boy. The mother erupted, shouting at the case manager, and leaving the meeting. As it turned out, the Team immediately called DFYS, who was at the family’s door within an hour. The mother was accused of child abuse because she did not agree with the Team. Still upset from the meeting and now livid about being reported to DYFS, she shouted at the case worker. DYFS ordered the mother out of the home, putting custody of the children only with her husband and mother, the children’s grandmother. This nightmare went on for more than six months. I was to be a witness for the family at trial. On that day it was learned that DYFS colluded with the school to punish the mother for her “instability” because she always disagreed with the Team. The judge threw the case out. But it had cost the family $15,000 in attorney fees.

As the years wore on, the parents simply gave up trying to advocate for their children. If they could not pay for the services, the children did not get them. I remained a member of their extended family. One day the oldest boy, now 18, called me. He wanted to sue the school district. He did not want to put his parents through a hearing so he decided to do it himself. He was at the end of his junior year and wanted help for his reading and writing problems so that he could do well in college. He wanted compensatory services and carefully prepared his case. On the morning of the hearing day, the district settled. It gave him a 504 plan, and the specific services he requested in his due process petition. The services promised were never given. I tutored him during his senior year so that he could pass English. His sister is now completing a veterinary program in the county vocational school.

Somehow, all of them have survived. The father remains quiet and works around the clock. The mother now has a master’s degree in special education and is a teacher. One child is in college, the second one to start there next year. The two younger children have not had an easy time of it. Truth be told, they have had a terrible time in school. But they will be OK because of the devotion and skills of their family.

Someday, I hope that the oldest child will write this story down from his perspective. It will surely be a best seller. He and his siblings each have their separate stories, so different from each other, but with the common goal of helping each other. The parents have had a horrific 20 years of periodic abuse from public school districts, from DYFS, and from the realities of life. But they have raised four remarkable children and are still together. In the end, this is a love story.